THE ORIGINAL - HOW TO TURN YOUR SNAKES INTO LADDERS

 

 

The Original: 'How to Turn Your Snakes into Ladders'

Authored by Dr. Ruth VN Benjamin PhD 

“How to Turn Your Snakes into Ladders” is a practical guide, operating at many levels. Its aim is to give the reader both insights and tools to live life at a more optimal and fulfilling level……This book contains the result of many years of accumulated experience and wisdom. This is a valuable and practical self-help resource that should assist people …..in a humorous and insightful manner.”  

(Dr. Michael Berk. Associate Professor . Dept. of Psychiatry. University of the Witwatersrand. Johannesburg. S.A.)

CreateSpace eStore: https://www.createspace.com/3858421 

Just a taste……..

We are overhearing a conversation between two sophisticated, attractive young women…..

Sarah and Leah are at the airport, when suddenly Leah freezes. A young woman with three children, looking sur­prisingly like Leah, has entered the departure lounge.

Sarah follows the direction of her friend's gaze. "Who's that?" she asks.

"Oh, a cousin of mine," says Leah in a rather cold voice. "The daughter of my father's brother."

"No," she says sharply as Sarah starts to call, "don't call her. We don't speak to each other. We have nothing to do with that side of the family."

Sarah sits down, looking confused. "Her children look the same age as your children. They could be such good friends."

“`Actually, I don't know how old they are," says Leah, annoyed. "I don't think I even know their names."

"But what does your father say about this?" Sarah asks curiously.

"It's my father and his brother who haven't spoken in years - decades - so the family has no contact."

"What happened?" asks Sarah. "It must be some­thing really dreadful."

"I'm not sure exactly," says Leah.

"Didn't you ask him?"

"Of course I did," says Leah, "but he doesn't seem to be sure of it himself. Maybe he's forgotten. We just know  we must have nothing to do with that side of the family."

"She looks like you," says Sarah. "Why don't you just go over and talk to her?"

We are familiar with stories of brothers kept apart because of the Holocaust or the KGB, of families separated for many years and don't even know the names and ages of one another's children. But this time the brothers themselves have created the distance through resentment and bitterness. They have even forgotten what the initial breach was about.

In South Africa, we call this a fariebel. Everyone knows what a fariebel is. This person won't speak to that person and that person will have nothing to do with this person, and these fariebels can go on for years, splitting families and for­mer friends. Sadly, when someone is making a simchah, she has to find out who is having  a fariebel with whom so as not to seat them near each other.

TABLE OF CONTENTS

1	Snakes and Ladders
2	Return Tripping
3	Fantasy: Our Other Side
4	Sifting the Past for Anger
5	Coping with Stress and Tension
6	Burnout
7	Stress and Tension within the Home
8	The Black Depressive Trip
9	Guilt Trips
10	The Victim
11	Negative Words
12	Regaining an identity
13	Disability- A unique Opportunity
14	The Psychology of the Jew
15	Snakes and Ladders Again
16	Bibliography

 

How to Turn Your Snakes into Ladders, was originally published by Targum Press in 1999.  It was then republished by myself on an independent publishing platform.

Two editions were published. One stuck exactly to the original and the second was lightly edited and enlarged.

And, for a further taste,  I quote a few paragraphs which comes under the heading of 

SPIRITUAL BURNOUT

The yetzer hara uses certain psychological traps to interfere with your service of Hashem. These traps can cool down your enthusiasm, block your emotions, and, in the ex­treme, cause spiritual burnout.

 By looking at and working with these traps we can find ways to emerge refreshed and with renewed inspiration.

The first trap plays on low self-esteem. if the yetzer hara can convince you you're not important, you surely won't see your davening as important. An honest rethinking of the value of each word of Torah and davening uttered by a Jew­ any Jew - may bring back enthusiasm and warmth.

Another trap the yetzer hara uses is to keep us rushing and unable to relax.

We daven at a tremendous speed and our message is, strangely enough, "Please, Hashem, don't bother me. I am busy davening. Don't interrupt me with feel­ings of love or devotion or closeness to You. I have to get this davening over with." Now, although this might sound totally absurd, it has more than a ring of truth.

As I mentioned before, it's important to try to live in the here and now, not ten minutes ahead of yourself, your mind always on what you have to do next.

Living ahead of your­self means that while you are davening you're thinking about what to eat for breakfast. While you are eating break­fast you think about the drive to work. On the way to work you are picturing what's going on at work.

People have to learn to stop and be exactly where they are.

When you are eating, eat; when you're davening, daven. In this way time will slow down and not rush past irretriev­ably. In fact, you will find you have more time than you ever imagined……

It continues….